I just don't know what to say. I feel like I'm spiraling downward and it's finally starting to take its toll on me. I'm stressed out. I'm broke. Depressed. I can't get out of bed in the morning. I don't eat. I smoke too many cigarettes. I'm realizing that all the choices I have been making seem to be the wrong thing to do. I'm royally fucking up nearly every aspect of my life as I know it. Or so it seems. I've dug myself a hole and I feel like I will never escape. The pills aren't helping. They only seem to temporary numb the pain. I feel like I have no reason to live. My mind has taken a vacation and I'm doubtful of its return. Why me? Why can't I be the careless teenager I was 4 years ago, when all I had to do was make it seem like I was attending school so I could skip every class to fuck off and get high? I've finally realized the relationship I've been trying to fix for damn near three years now is doomed to fail and I'm done trying. I'm happier alone... I think? I really just need a companion. Someone to sleep next to me. Protect me. Not judge me, and love me for who I am. Someone who knows how to push my buttons but won't do it. Love. I need someone to love.